Saturday, December 11, 2010

tolerate

Today has been a sucky day. Spent the day in tears and afterwards, a nose blocked and a huge migraine. Well, I guess I'm blogging right now because of those tears.. heeee..

Bare in mind, I'm one spoiled little girl so thank you for being there for me and my family for the last 14 days especially. You've been wonderful and still am to me, Mama and Awiq. No words are sufficient to express my gratitude towards you.

Of course, at the fact that you took me away for one night. It was a very kind act and I appreciate it. I had a super awesome time with ordering McDonald's and watching National Geography all night long.

Being there for me when I was having a nervous breakdown at 3am. Making sure I sleep okay and you're there when I start crying again in the morning after I wake up. It is a very difficult time for me and you being there every step of the way is just amazing.

Mum even said I am very lucky to have a good boyfriend like you in times like this. She told me that this morning when I was crying buckets down the phone with her.

When I take a moment to think how you silently slip into my life, I get caught in awe. My life is entwined with yours. Even one day with you not in my home, mum starts shooting me questions on your where abouts and our relationship status.

I have a caring mother and You.

Writing this out, I just realised I should count my blessings. I mean, I really really should count. Despite the difficult days we all had to go through, I have an amazing support system to make sure I get out alive from all this.

Growing up and turning into an adult, I know it's difficult but I never knew all this could be so overwhelming. Despite how soft hearted I always assume my mum is, she is actually one strong human being.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

stop it.

I'm actually still stalking. sumpah malu.
haha. syaz, stop.

silly me.

I can officially say I'm such a big cow to my blog. I noticed the time intervals between my posts! Posting stuff only when I feel like it or when I need to rat out. What a cow!

This blog right now is the same blog like any other. There is worry in my heart & I need to express it. Here goes...

I have this strict policy where I DO NOT, I mean, DO NOT stalk other people's facebook, twitter or blogs, BUT ONLY under certain exceptions; insecurities.
And yes, I am feeling vulnerable and insecure right this very second.

Reading those post on your facebook wall and reading her blog at once is driving me nuts. I can't even call you and hover around you shooting questions because you have futsal now. It's annoying and psychotic. (I will never change, will I)
And all those post on your facebook?! Come on, mentang-mentang status 'single'.
Somebody? Just shoot me and be done with it, if that's okay.
GREAT. JUST GREAT.

Life is hard as it is without the skinny ex-girlfriend and McDonald's.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

No idea.

I think this is the best holiday I've ever had. :D

Full schedule everyday. Family time bonuses.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

Traces Left

I'm sorry for making you cry & sad eceryday.
I'm sorry I can't turn back time & tell you being with me
is a big mistake for you.

I'm sorry for the insecurities I can't control.
I'm just sorry every ounce of pain I've brought to you.
I blame no one buy myself knowing you don't want me
anymore.

I'm sorry you had to make that mistake of loving me and
only getting hurt in return.

I'm sorry for everything.

Love,
Syaz.

Monday, September 6, 2010



In 3 months, a lot of things can change.

even your precious childhood memories.

What If.

I just bbmed a good girlfriend of mine, Aina. Needed to talk to someone who understood the dynamics of my relationship. well, my former relationship.

it's been more than 48 hours.

the first 12 hours felt okay.

the next 12, the pain started kicking in.

the 36th hour i had to start torturing someone. and i tortured my sister to study the whole day..

the rest of the hours were left to an emotional episode with mama and Aina while i continue to torture my 15 year old sister.

And between all that blurry moments, Demi Lavato with her song, 'Don't forget' has been on my mind ever since.

what have I honestly done? the right decisions are usually the hard ones but it seems the wrong ones are difficult too.