2010

I was reading a post i blogged last year about my 2009.

To keep the tradition alive, before these last few days turn into January I guess I'd talk about 2010 too.

This year has blown away so fast but it generally has been a good year and I'm thankful for that.

School has been the toughest semester yet but I made it through , Alhamdulillah.

I grew up. I think that's what I basically perceive of myself. I made a few weird but life changing decisions that made my life easier and harder at the same time. Bare in mind, never I regret those decisions.

For the first time in my life, I've been analyzed and judged by the public's eye. Quite interesting I must say and I never knew I could be THAT interesting.

I also know that success, achievements and the right decisions are the hardest things to make. IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE BEEN MAKING MUCH ANYWAY!

LOL.

My friends, I've made a few, kept a few and they're precious to me. My friends especially have helped me through and through the past year and I'm glad I found you guys.

and of course, family has been up and down, here and there. :)

That's about it.

Happy New Year, everyone! Welcome 2011.

If it was a competition.

If it was a competition, I would win it even before it all started.

Anyway, can't wait for New Year's.

shish.

I hope ure reading my blog and it brings u as much pain possible.

that's how much i despise u now.

p/s: u were only a joke but now ure really getting under my skin, b*tch.

One Tree Hill.

Thank goodness for my very smart and sensible Jim, he lend me his One Tree Hill CDs and I've been hooked on it since last nite just so I can keep my sanity in check.

I grew up with this TV series and I actually got to realise how much different things were back then. My 13 year old sister was so amazed by how much more content there is in One Tree Hill.

I guess all that partying, chanel handbags, booze and thick pancake make-up in series like 'gossip girls' and 90210 are just not cutting it anymore.

Stronger story lines, real friendships and a real moral benefit from every episode sounds more interesting doesn't it.

Third CD here I come.

p/s: I miss u. Why does it have to be a 14 hour flight?

Sad much.

It's obvious I'm already missing u.

I'm already watching one tree hill before u have even left. shish.

the only thing i despise the most about watching it is because it reminds me of your past.

I honestly need to calm down.

xo.

Love, Syaz.

On A Lighter Note.

He instructed me to stop stalking.

He said it's not good for my health and our relationship.

It's worse at the fact that he'll be gone for the next twelve days to visit the Queen.

I need a plan to distract myself.

1. Watch One Tree Hill from season 1 to season 8 as much as possible.

2. Try to act normal everyday. Be it taking a bath after I wake up, have breakfast and all that sort of things.

3. Maybe try not to have a nervous breakdown.

4. Revamp my room maybe? (KIV)

5. Read as much novels I can get my hands on.

6. Blog as much as possible (LOL, LAME!)

7. Refrain myself from excessive blogging (OVER OBVIOUS REASON ABOVE)

8. STAY SANE!

p/s: U8/74A will miss 74E

tolerate

Today has been a sucky day. Spent the day in tears and afterwards, a nose blocked and a huge migraine. Well, I guess I'm blogging right now because of those tears.. heeee..

Bare in mind, I'm one spoiled little girl so thank you for being there for me and my family for the last 14 days especially. You've been wonderful and still am to me, Mama and Awiq. No words are sufficient to express my gratitude towards you.

Of course, at the fact that you took me away for one night. It was a very kind act and I appreciate it. I had a super awesome time with ordering McDonald's and watching National Geography all night long.

Being there for me when I was having a nervous breakdown at 3am. Making sure I sleep okay and you're there when I start crying again in the morning after I wake up. It is a very difficult time for me and you being there every step of the way is just amazing.

Mum even said I am very lucky to have a good boyfriend like you in times like this. She told me that this morning when I was crying buckets down the phone with her.

When I take a moment to think how you silently slip into my life, I get caught in awe. My life is entwined with yours. Even one day with you not in my home, mum starts shooting me questions on your where abouts and our relationship status.

I have a caring mother and You.

Writing this out, I just realised I should count my blessings. I mean, I really really should count. Despite the difficult days we all had to go through, I have an amazing support system to make sure I get out alive from all this.

Growing up and turning into an adult, I know it's difficult but I never knew all this could be so overwhelming. Despite how soft hearted I always assume my mum is, she is actually one strong human being.

stop it.

I'm actually still stalking. sumpah malu.
haha. syaz, stop.

silly me.

I can officially say I'm such a big cow to my blog. I noticed the time intervals between my posts! Posting stuff only when I feel like it or when I need to rat out. What a cow!

This blog right now is the same blog like any other. There is worry in my heart & I need to express it. Here goes...

I have this strict policy where I DO NOT, I mean, DO NOT stalk other people's facebook, twitter or blogs, BUT ONLY under certain exceptions; insecurities.
And yes, I am feeling vulnerable and insecure right this very second.

Reading those post on your facebook wall and reading her blog at once is driving me nuts. I can't even call you and hover around you shooting questions because you have futsal now. It's annoying and psychotic. (I will never change, will I)

And all those post on your facebook?! Come on, mentang-mentang status 'single'.

Somebody? Just shoot me and be done with it, if that's okay.

GREAT. JUST GREAT.

Life is hard as it is without the skinny ex-girlfriend and McDonald's.

No idea.

I think this is the best holiday I've ever had. :D

Full schedule everyday. Family time bonuses.

Traces Left

I'm sorry for making you cry & sad eceryday.
I'm sorry I can't turn back time & tell you being with me
is a big mistake for you.

I'm sorry for the insecurities I can't control.
I'm just sorry every ounce of pain I've brought to you.
I blame no one buy myself knowing you don't want me
anymore.

I'm sorry you had to make that mistake of loving me and
only getting hurt in return.

I'm sorry for everything.

Love,
Syaz.

In 3 months, a lot of things can change.

even your precious childhood memories.

What If.

I just bbmed a good girlfriend of mine, Aina. Needed to talk to someone who understood the dynamics of my relationship. well, my former relationship.

it's been more than 48 hours.

the first 12 hours felt okay.

the next 12, the pain started kicking in.

the 36th hour i had to start torturing someone. and i tortured my sister to study the whole day..

the rest of the hours were left to an emotional episode with mama and Aina while i continue to torture my 15 year old sister.

And between all that blurry moments, Demi Lavato with her song, 'Don't forget' has been on my mind ever since.

what have I honestly done? the right decisions are usually the hard ones but it seems the wrong ones are difficult too.

tough.

Tough Love nowadays.

I hate newspapers now. I hate the fact that it comes to my home on a motorcycle by a very good looking indian man. i hate being able to predict all the bad news of the day. baby dumping, acid throwing, wife slashing. shish.

I'm in no way a religious person but enough is enough! and the worst part is to put the blame on clinical depression. kalau dah lupe agama until u hurt SOMEONE ELSE, damn! that's not depression, ure jz acting like inconsiderate bastards with no feelings. ergh!

p/s: despite horrible inhuman act on the news everyday. life is all good on my side. :D family, friends and him.

Quilete Legends.

Kwop Kilawtley

*Stay With Me Forever*

OVER!

The holiday that is, it's over. In 4 days, I'll be busy with my 3rd semester. No more nonsense, mama needs to see results!! good results! ergh! the pressure is on!

Cuti has been great. Always a little drama here and there, a little self discovery along the way and embarking on a new love life. :)

Isn't that great. But a bit dissapointed tho, no island hopping for me this sem break. Next semester maybe! Insya Allah. Duit pun takde, impian je besar.

Anyway! I'm browsing thru some pretty cute blogs (stalking!) with pretty cute wall papers and colourful writings. I guess i'd never be any more artictic than what u see on my blog. I only see black and white! (Being a law student and all, LOL)

Some pictures I wanted to share. Lv.

Singapore

(The Singapore Flyer)

Singapore was awesome. A state country with awesome food and more awesome road signs. And i got to DRIVE all the way down from BJ to S'pore. Cool kan kan?

Anyway, the whole Azlan's were there except Awiq! He had a sinus surgery few days before so his doc said he couldn't go. (Luckyhim!)

The food was awesomely sinfully good. We had nasi campur from morning to night. Little did I know, for the next Four days I'd be having the best best putu pirings ever! I've probably gained 5 kgs from those putu pirings alone.

We when to all the touritst hotspots.

(Joo Chiat Road)

(The Night Safari)

(Orchard Road - a 4 storey Forever 21.)

(Snow City)

A whole different culture, environment and governed law separated by a bridge.

Boring.

On my sem break now and it's getting quite boring. results are coming out this Thursday. Owh God, I'm scared out of my mind.

I've gain a tad bit tembam. All that Patchi and marshmallows I've been bingeing on.

Anyway, i walked into my brother's room and saw my 13 year old sister playing Left or Dead instead on the computer. The shock on my face could not be disguised and she was GOOD at that scary zombie shooting sh*t.

I guess make-up, shopping and boys don't apply to my little sister.

memory lane.

Mute Math - Noticed

&

Dashboard Confessional - Stolen

:)

THIS IS HOW IT FEELS TO BE SAFE.

Dedications.

Yesterday was my parents 21st Anniversary which was spent with the Nadzri's and Jim.

Thanks Kak Nad for the sweet blog. I love you and I love you more for that. Last nite was a lot of fun. The cousins, uncles and aunties, Jim, EOS 400, D40 and a G11. For a moment, i thought we were on the red carpets surrounded with papparazis but owh no, it's juz my bratty yet loving cousins.

I'll remember your advice kak Nad, take things slow with Jim.

I'm too old to be a social butterfly now. I'm content being with the Azlan's, the Nadzri's and Jim. I miss this feeling where everyone around you accepts you for who you are. Bimbo or not.

Mother's Day.

Today, my dad, my two sisters, my youngest brother and me went for a road trip. A road trip to see my mum in Awana Genting because she has been in Awana for a few days, work purposes.

Of course, when your household does not have the "glue" to stick everyone together, like every family, my family started going crazy. we started picking on each other a lot more and our rooms get messier with each passing day.

I have no present whatsoever for tomrw, Mother's Day but I do have my loving words for her. For all it's worth, I do love my mom. How annoying, uncool and crazily crazy she could get.

For all she's been thru and being able to make it out alive, I guess she's the closest thing to a superhero. I mean, after bringing us up and tolerating total shit from her husband, which happens to be my dad. Well, all I could do is thank God for having her as a mother.

My mom constantly wears black clothes. Black blouses, black skirts, black pants. Black is only her scope of colour. This morning, she bought herself a new white blouse. Papa, my sisters and me got suspicious. LOL.

p/s: I love you, mum.

Adulthood.

I guess it's true what they say.

"If Life hands you lemons, You Make Lemonades".

And I just discovered how simple it is, to make these so called "lemonades".

"As easy as Pie" I guess.

I've been through a rough fortnight and it sucks. I have to admit that but thank you to my two awesomely good old friend and a good new friend I just discovered.

Of course, not forgetting my other good good friends in Uni and the ones hanging around BJ still.

Finals is just around the corner but I'm still blabbering in front of my iMac.

What I've learned from those two weeks of hell.

1. Heartbreaks DO NOT last forever. Like all sickness and diseases, heartbreaks get better too. No matter how long it takes. It's only a matter of choice.

2. My list of friends have multiplied by 5 since I've moved on to singlehood.

3. No matter how much a person try, people still try to take you down. and they do it hard without a second thought.

4. The only way to combat Number 3 of the list is to be yourself, be real and always mind what you say or act around other people.

5. Boyfriends are great but love yourself as a whole first then love other people. No one else completes you other than yourself.

6. If you think you need a special someone to fill up your time, think again. You and your time of your own is priority.

7. Boos, boyfriends, special persons come and go. That's how life works. Funny isn't it.

8. Keep family close at all time. Never, never, never ever bail out or walk away from Family. Life does not work that way.

My sister's Oral Presentation

Mamak Stall, A culture in Malaysia.

Mamak stall has been a big impact and is now a culture in Malaysia. We are very well known for our teh O, roti chanai and chapati.

Where do we get this? The mamak stall.
In Malaysia, especially around Shah Alam and Subang Jaya, mamak stalls are swimming all over the place, every shop lot corner and developed areas.
Why are mamak stalls so famous?
First, it’s because it caters to Malaysians till late at night. The only place a person can rely to look for food late at nights are mamak stall because they open up from morning to morning. From 7am till 3 or 4 in the morning or at times, 24 hours. From breakfast, to lunch to dinner and back to breakfast. This shows how reliable mamak stalls are.

Second, mamak stalls cater to everyone. I mean, everyone. From children, young adults, adults and old people. My brothers and sister go to mamak stalls all the time cause they say it’s fun. Moreover, mamak places are ideal places for overworked society to go to after working hours to unwind and relax before coming home. It’s a cheap place with a pretty nice environment to go to, who would not want that?

Teh tarik, teh o’ limau suam, and teh halia are some drinks examples you can find in mamak. Other than that, rice with mixed chicken, beef, and seafood gravy can be found during lunch. Late at nights, a person can easily ask for Maggie goreng or nasi goreng kampong to satisfy the late night hunger pangs.
Pelita, MMZ, Tanjung Khulafah, Khalifah and Daud are just some of the examples of popular mamak stalls nearby to Bukit Jelutong. So this shows how popular and how demanding a mamak stall is. With that, thank you.

> An oral presentation my sister asked me to help her with. Yes, as the sweet kind older sister, I did everything for her. I'm done with boring topics, after a few minutes of thinking. talking about mamak stalls seems like a good idea. we see it everyday, we go to mamak on a daily or weekly basis. Mightly as well I preach to 13 year old school kids. they'll know the "lepak mamak" culture soon anyway. <

It's been awhile.

Yeap, it has been awhile since I blogged. I have been busy, up to my neck with school work, school activities, family and friends. (the same excuse/reason all the time).

:)

I miss my blog! I miss my facebook! Since school started, I've been neglecting these two important parts of my life: - blogging & facebooking. Owh how much I miss it. So, to let out all stolen times.

What else have I been neglecting? Owh yes, I've been neglecting myself. I have to admit (embarrasingly), I've gained a few pounds from the lack of trips for body combats at Celebrity. The intention to go is always there in my mind but the energy left in my body is just not sufficient enough. Ergh..! It's killing my self-esteem but too many things to do with so lil' time.

To make things worse, the amount and type of food I've been consuming for the past two weeks is dangerously revolting. Daily consumption of Coney Dogs at school, junk food late at nite, any form of sweet liquid down my throat, smokes through my lungs.. Should I go on?!

And not to mention the complains from my mom (and Dad) bout how I'm too busy for family now. LoL.. It's kindda funny hearing it frm my beloved Mama. I always assumed she'd be used to me busy cuz Paps' hardly home. Mama, mama... :)


After all that complaining, I still do love school. :) Can't imagine myself doing anything else rite now.

Down.

I know this is selfish of me but I think I'm depressed. It's this nagging pain in my heart that just won't go away and here I thought foolishly it would vanish with time. U know, how time heals and forgets but I think I've been lied to about that one.

I don't look depressed in any way from the outside. How could I when I'm constantly surrounded by the best of friends, fun classes, crazy assignments, non stop activities and trips to visit a sick friend to give as much moral support as I can.

But that's what worries me. I'm in a state of denial that's threatening to burst, to just explode in my face. Tears are threatening to spill as I write this blog. Shish. I'm so emotional lately, I can't believe I can get up and go through the motions..

I never thought I could be so damn lonely. Fuck! I sound so damn selfish and self-centred but it's the damn truth. I'm so fucking lonely becuz I have no one I can be with where I can just be myself, my real self. That's why I'm so fucking lonely and I never thought a person could feel this amount of loneliness and hide it. Damn.

Probably that's why I'm writing this post. That fear in the pit of my stomach that things could just blow up.

I lost a good friend, a friend I could talk to, could easily say what I want no matter how shallow or how stupid it may sound without the worry of being judged. And I lost my friend to his girlfriend. I know it's foolish of me to believe his promises bout me being a priority and he'd always be there for me but no one can blame me for believing such hopeful things and no one should ever blame him on leaving me behind. These things happens all the time.

On top of that, waking up everyday knowing the person u're with now just won't love you how he loved his first lover. Ergh, it's hard to admit this but I have to or I'd be in too much denial. Seeing but ignoring is hard but that thin film of coolness may break anytime. Seeing him mention her everywhere, those little acknowledgements, seeing thoughts of her fleet across his face when he looks at me. How does a person wake up to that?

Writing this all down is easing that burden in me.

2010

First blog of the year.



It's been awhile since I posted a blog, of course the same lame excuse. Busy with schoolwork, registration, friends, AWESOME CONCERTS and matters of the heart.



Started off this year with a few close and wonderful friends, a bbq at Serambi Court, BJ and of course accompanied by my 3 beautiful ladies, Anna, June and Marrie.The fireworks were great as usual.



A bit of drama here and there but things are fine now. ( or I'm just in denial, takpe ).

Then came the day i have been waiting for the pass two years. The Neyo Concert in Sunway Lagoon, The Year of The Gentleman and he awfully was. He is a true performer, a singer a dancer and a downright straight up gentleman. The perfect boyfriend to bring home to meet your mum. *sigh*



His songs were just so oh beautiful. I even cried listening to one of em live. Listening to Neyo songs on the radio the whole day, and days before helped with my excitement. and best of all, Intan went with me. who else to share that nite other than my bestie.



Back to the real world.

CLASSES are fine. nothing to be happy or sad about. The lecturers are better than I expected tho so browny points for that. chaching!

Trying to juggle the ever increasing workload. It seems my brain haven't kicked into gear yet for the new year's classes and hopefully it does soon.



So yea.